Group ritual, at long last

I'm actually going to a group ritual tonight.

This is a big deal for me. Since college, my tentative forays into the land of pagan groups have been unsuccessful and few. One problem is that I actually prefer celebrating the full moons and most Sabbats by myself. Another is that I have about 68,000 pagan pet peeves, which means that it's unlikely that any group will live up to my exacting standards (I'm not proud of this, but I have to accept that it's true before I can try to change my perceptions). Plus, I'm terribly shy, a bit of a homebody, and afraid of being rejected by the local pagans (it only happened once, but I seem to have been more burned by the experience than I thought). But the truth is, I'm lonely.

I found out about this particular group in June. I was very excited because I've always been a fan of the Reclaiming tradition, and didn't know there were any such groups on the east coast. Plus, they meet on the new moon, which is a time which I only celebrate intermittently, so it won't mean missing out on the ritual that *I* want to do. I really wanted to go, but it seemed like every celebration fell on a day that was physically impossible for me; my parents were coming up, or my friends were visiting from far away, or I had a major paper due the next day.... And I'm sure that I also missed a few on the grounds that I was too tired/stressed/busy/nervous/pick-you-own-excuse. When the e-mail for this months ritual came around, I decided to bite the bullet and go. I'll never actually want to put myself in a situation where I'm surrounded by strangers, so I need to stop waiting for the perfect moment and just do it. And thus I shall.

I pray to the Gods that I am able to keep an open mind tonight, and maybe find some of the community I've been longing for.