Thursday, January 6, 2011

Held by my Ancestors

Today was a difficult day.  The reasons aren't important, but I was about as conflicted, tired, and tested as I could be at that moment without actually being torn apart from the inside.

I did ancestor work earlier today and still had the candle on their altar burning.  I decided it was getting late and that it was time to blow out the candle.  When I got to the altar I began to sob.  No trivial, polite tears, these were the wrenching sobs of the despondent.  With no forward, no introduction, and no warning they began tearing through me.  I felt myself held by many arms.  As I wrapped my arms around myself I felt them holding me, the countless dead.  As I rocked back and forth I knew I was held, knew I was protected and loved.  I felt their tenderness and cried all the harder.

I am no longer crying, but the candle is still burning.  After I post this I will make myself a hot drink and take care of myself as they would -- with love, comfort, and acceptance.