Friday, October 29, 2010

Elemental Balancing

I consider myself to be above average in the self-knowledge department.  There may be a lot that I haven't figured out about what I have to offer and where I am going, but I spend enough time naval-gazing that I am well aware of my own tendencies, feelings, and patterns.

Like any self-respecting pagan, I know my astrological chart.  There is a bit of paper with all of my planets and signs scribbled stuck in a binder somewhere, so I know that my profile is chock full of water and air, with no fire or earth.  I know that this is an accurate reflection of myself -- very emotional, but also intellectual; romantic but flighty.  I always joke that it's a good thing I can't get my head and my heart to agree, because if they ever stop pulling me in opposite directions I would be an unstoppable force!

The other day I did a ritual to work on my issues with depression.  I have been pulling cards and getting messages related to fire, so it eventually occurred to me that strengthening that element within myself might be the key.  Lo and behold, there is a ritual for that very thing in The Way of Four!  It was perfect!  Since the ritual is based on emphasizing the aspects of the desired element already in oneself, I just had to come up with some firey qualities of my own.  The book has an elemental profile quiz, so I decided to refer to that.  But as I was already on the page, I decided to answer for all of the elements, just for fun and the result was somewhat surprising, as I came out as predominantly water and.... earth. 

Now, before you start thinking that I'm getting worked up over nothing -- after all, it's just a book! -- let me say that the fact is that the more I thought about it, the more sense it actually made.  I know that I tend to dress and decorate in a rather earthy way -- I've always claimed that it's because I need that grounding energy in my life because I'm so flighty.  But what if that isn't it?  What if I have a lot more earth energy than I thought?  Sure, I don't have the dedication and nose to the grindstone attitude that I associate with earth people, but I am very reliable, loyal, honest, and straight forward

I'm going to try to be more open to who I am, rather than who I think I am.  Perhaps letting go of some of my preconceived notions about myself is one of the things I need to be doing right now!

Oh, and the fire ritual?  It was lovely.  I think I'll be repeating it for some time in order to support my work.

Wednesday, October 27, 2010

My triumphant return, and a story about a bee

Hi again!  Sorry about the long absence.  I'm back now, but I make no promises about how long I will be here and how often I will post.  I remain an "at will" blogger.

Today's adventure started with an innocent walk.  I figured I'd just take a quick stroll before lunch.... famous last words.  I found a wooded pathway I hadn't seen before, followed it past a hidden grotto (I'm only exagerating slightly), and then looked up and saw what could only be a tower of some sort.  So of course I scampered up the wet leaf covered stepping stones to find that it is is a tower of sorts.  Specifically, it is a look-out tower and monument to George Washington.  I climbed up the 95 steps in the spiral staircase and had a gorgeous view of the surrounding area.  I couldn't quite figure out which direction my house was in, but I could see for miles and miles.  And while I am outside of a major city, there was still more than enough fall foliage to make for striking view.

The feeling of the wind that high up is simply amazing.  If I ever want to do spell work that involves tossing something to the wind, I'll know where to go!  And it would be a fantastic spot to work with the element of air in any capacity, really.

The highlight of this little outing came as I was about to head back down the stairs.  As I was turning away from the railing, a bumblebee flew over and landed on my finger.  And sat there.  And sat there some more.  Honestly, I was starting to worry about the little guy.  But at the same time, I felt very blessed.  Eventually worry (and a vague fear that I could be wrong and bumble bees might have stingers) won out and I very gently turned my hand over, causing him to fly away.... to the railing.  Where he sat again.  I sat down next to him and apologized for having given way to fear instead of sitting with him.  When I saw him seemingly struggling to fly away I concluded that he must be too weak to fight the winds up there, so I encouraged him to climb back onto me (which he did) so I could carry him down to the ground level.  Once I'd gone down a few steps though he launched himself.  He landed on me again very briefly, then flew off.

In the end, my quick little walk only took me an hour.  :-P

I'm not quite sure how to interpret this encounter.  I generally try to avoid reading messages into events unless they are truly out of the ordinary, but this feels like it fits that description.  In the faery seership tradition, bees are the totem of the Sky Walker, or higher self.  If this was a message from mine, then I don't really know what it was saying.  Perhaps blessing my recent attempts to re-structure my life in order to move out of depression?  Or maybe a warning against acting out of irrational fear.  It could be both.