Monday, April 21, 2008

Full Moon Manifestation - April 2008

This is my manifestation collage for the full moon, created as part of Sacred Suzie's challenge, and uploaded rather late due to technology problems. Since my needs right now are more oriented towards inner change than outer, my images are a bit less representational and more abstract than others.... but that is ok. I am asking for the ability to maintain and attitude of joy, passion, curiosity, and fun.

Monday, April 7, 2008

Growth, fear, and the new moon

I don't think I have ever felt less spiritual than I do right now. After a really rough week, I went to the New Moon ritual Friday night. I expected that it would recharge my empty spirit, but I was very wrong. The main part of the monthly ritual is divination. Through the runes, I was told that I must find the strength to guide my path towards my spirit's home.... and it was just too much for me to bear. I don't know why. That should be a cheering thought. But instead I feel like I've been handed a work sentence with no end in sight. Why? Is it because it is terribly difficult to find that kind of strength? Is it because I want nothing more than to be able to sit back and rest in the arms of the mother for a while longer? But spring is the time of growth.... and growth is work. Growth is risk and vulnerability and pain. Growth is responsibility. And it would seem that growth is what I am most afraid of right now.

I want an instruction manual. I want to know that I'm doing the right thing, making the right choices. I want to be guaranteed success. But that's not growth, is it? That's the opposite of growth, in fact. And that isn't what I need. It may be what I want.... but it's not what I need. So it's not what I'm going to get.

What's the Anais Nin quote? "And the day came when the risk to remain tight in a bud was more painful than the risk it took to blossom. " I suppose I had best get used to that thought, as it is to be my new mantra.

Nothing for it but to take a deep breath.....
and dive.