Having returned The Red Book to the library, I have fallen back into my mid-winter February lull. I'm doing much better than in past years (thank you light box!), but I'm wouldn't describe myself as terribly motivated just now. Of course, that is probably one of the lessons of the season -- we are meant to turn inward during the cold season in New England.
That said, I think it is important for me at least to resist the temptation to turn too far inward for too long. I am a champion navel gazer, and with my history of depression I shouldn't spend more time in that state than is productive (Yes, I just said that there is such a thing as productive naval gazing. And there is! But if you spend too much time in that practice you risk being sucked into a bottomless morass. Or at least I do). To that end, I am striving to combat that tendency towards winter moodiness, while also forgiving myself for sometimes falling into unproductive naval gazing.
The most exciting way in which I am working towards this goal is the two day workshop on conjure magic I'll be taking this week-end! Since I am usually much more focused on the spiritual end of the pagan spectrum, this should be an interesting experience for me. I think it will do me a lot of good to look into a system of practical magic to make concrete changes in the outer world. It seems healthy to have a balance between inner and outer work. I'm a bit concerned about the cultural appropriate aspect of a white middle class chick from New England learning a form of magic indigenous to the southern slaves, but I will be learning from someone who was raised in this tradition. It's hard to think of a more reputable source than that. I'm very excited about this opportunity, and hope to have a fascinating blog post describing it next week.
Tuesday, February 16, 2010
Tuesday, February 9, 2010
The Red Book
A month ago I was sitting at my desk at work, minding my own business, when I glanced across the room and saw the holy grail in book form. In the near corner of the room, standing on a book truck, was The Red Book by Carl Jung. I first heard about the book when it was published amidst great fanfare last year, and had longed to get my hands on a copy, but the price tag (over $100) was a bit prohibitive, and so I resigned myself to a life without ever reading The Red Book. But now here it was, in the same room as me! A quick check of the catalog revealed that the copy in question was non-circulating, but I discovered that the university had two other copies which could be checked out, and so I gave the book a quick yet fond perusal and added my name to the waiting list. I had no idea how long I would have to wait, and so I put it out of my mind.
Last week I received email that my turn with the book had come. Picking it up proved to be something of production, as the book is huge and unwieldy, but I did manage to get it home, where I have been happily pouring over it. Knowing that I only have a total of 9 days with it has lent a somewhat frantic air to my reading, which is regrettable, but unavoidable. The translation of the Red Book proper is a hundred pages (though keep in mind that these pages are at least twice the size of a normal page), plus there is a great deal of introductory material which is fascinating from a historical and biographic perspective. While the imaginary encounters Jung describes are universal in meaning and scope, it's interesting to get the dual perspective of exactly what they might have meant more specifically during the time period in which he lived, as well as my own personal response.
I have been fascinated by Jung for most of my life. I no longer recall exactly when and how I first stumbled upon his theories, but I can tell you that the second research paper I ever wrote (in tenth grade) included heavy use of his ideas of archetypes and the collective unconscious. My first major project in college was a presentation on the three big dreams which led him to the development of his main theories. Though I feel woefully under read on the subject, what I do know of his work has had a profound influence on my life and thinking.
Since delving into this weighty tome I have taken it upon myself to try the technique of active imagination which Jung himself used to induce the visions which form the basis of the book. A quick internet search led me to some simple descriptions of the practice. I'm sure they are very superficial compared to Jung's own description of the process, but they served as a useful and practical introduction for me. I selected a dream from the previous night and began to take myself through the images I could remember from it, waiting for one that felt "right" to explore. Once I found one that gave a little emotional tug I set about putting myself back into the scene both emotionally and visually, and allowed myself to address the main players. The results were quite interesting. I do find myself more sympathetic to Jung's reluctance to see his words published -- there is something intensely personal about the experience, much more so than the raw dream, and I am reluctant to include my written recording of the experience here.
Last week I received email that my turn with the book had come. Picking it up proved to be something of production, as the book is huge and unwieldy, but I did manage to get it home, where I have been happily pouring over it. Knowing that I only have a total of 9 days with it has lent a somewhat frantic air to my reading, which is regrettable, but unavoidable. The translation of the Red Book proper is a hundred pages (though keep in mind that these pages are at least twice the size of a normal page), plus there is a great deal of introductory material which is fascinating from a historical and biographic perspective. While the imaginary encounters Jung describes are universal in meaning and scope, it's interesting to get the dual perspective of exactly what they might have meant more specifically during the time period in which he lived, as well as my own personal response.
I have been fascinated by Jung for most of my life. I no longer recall exactly when and how I first stumbled upon his theories, but I can tell you that the second research paper I ever wrote (in tenth grade) included heavy use of his ideas of archetypes and the collective unconscious. My first major project in college was a presentation on the three big dreams which led him to the development of his main theories. Though I feel woefully under read on the subject, what I do know of his work has had a profound influence on my life and thinking.
Since delving into this weighty tome I have taken it upon myself to try the technique of active imagination which Jung himself used to induce the visions which form the basis of the book. A quick internet search led me to some simple descriptions of the practice. I'm sure they are very superficial compared to Jung's own description of the process, but they served as a useful and practical introduction for me. I selected a dream from the previous night and began to take myself through the images I could remember from it, waiting for one that felt "right" to explore. Once I found one that gave a little emotional tug I set about putting myself back into the scene both emotionally and visually, and allowed myself to address the main players. The results were quite interesting. I do find myself more sympathetic to Jung's reluctance to see his words published -- there is something intensely personal about the experience, much more so than the raw dream, and I am reluctant to include my written recording of the experience here.
Tuesday, February 2, 2010
The Fires of Imbolc
Imbolc was never my favorite holiday, but I may have to revise that estimation after today!
I lit a fire in my cauldron. Once it was well established I began to feed a large cutting from my Yule tree into it, piece by piece. With each piece, the flames suddenly flared into life, reaching high above the confines of the cauldron, terrifying in their majesty and their capacity to set off a smoke detector.
When I fed the dry branch from my Yule tree into the fire, I felt shackles release what I hadn't been aware of bearing, the release of a breath I didn't know I was holding. I had intended to do some sort of cleansing after the ritual to rid myself of the free-floating anger I have been carrying these past few weeks, but it is now gone. I released the bindings of winter, allowed my own heartfire to consume what no longer served, and now feel enlivened and free. I want to say it's like a breathe of fresh air to my soul, but no – this is the cleansing renewal of a wildfire, which I did not understand until this moment.
I feel cleansed and full in a way I couldn't dream of this morning. All hail Brigid, tender of the flame, patroness of inspiration! And all hail Freya, goddess who governs my days!
* * * * *
Flames consume debris
Burn away ancient anger
Ash settles like snow
~my offering to Brigid
I lit a fire in my cauldron. Once it was well established I began to feed a large cutting from my Yule tree into it, piece by piece. With each piece, the flames suddenly flared into life, reaching high above the confines of the cauldron, terrifying in their majesty and their capacity to set off a smoke detector.
When I fed the dry branch from my Yule tree into the fire, I felt shackles release what I hadn't been aware of bearing, the release of a breath I didn't know I was holding. I had intended to do some sort of cleansing after the ritual to rid myself of the free-floating anger I have been carrying these past few weeks, but it is now gone. I released the bindings of winter, allowed my own heartfire to consume what no longer served, and now feel enlivened and free. I want to say it's like a breathe of fresh air to my soul, but no – this is the cleansing renewal of a wildfire, which I did not understand until this moment.
I feel cleansed and full in a way I couldn't dream of this morning. All hail Brigid, tender of the flame, patroness of inspiration! And all hail Freya, goddess who governs my days!
Flames consume debris
Burn away ancient anger
Ash settles like snow
~my offering to Brigid
Monday, February 1, 2010
An Offering for the 5th Annual Brigit Poetry Festival
I had some trouble picking a poem for this year's Brigit Poetry Festival. Once upon a time I wrote poetry, but that was ages ago and I have nothing of my own to offer. I wanted to find the perfect poem to capture this season -- cold and brittle, but with the slightest hint of hope. But I couldn't think of anything that spoke to me. Then I realized the answer was obvious. Brigit as patron of poetry, smithcraft, and the like rules over all acts of inspiration. And there is one poem which never fails to give me shivers, to make me dream harder and try to live more truly. I first discovered it while I was in college, around the same time I discovered paganism, and it is one of the best expressions of the spiritual impulse for me that I have found yet.
Blessed Imbolc to you all, and may Brigit favor you in this season of cold and solitude!
The Night Journey
by Terri Windling
Go by coombe, by candle light,
by moonlight, starlight, stepping stone,
and step o'er bracken, branches, briars,
and go tonight, and go alone,
go by water, go by willow,
go by ivy, oak and ash,
and rowan berries red as blood,
and breadcrumbs, stones, to mark the path;
find the way by water's whisper,
water rising from a womb
of granite, peat, of summer heat,
to slake your thirst and fill the coombe
and tumble over moss and stone
and feed the roots of ancient trees
and call to you: go, now, tonight,
by water, earth, phyllomancy,
by candle flame, by spirit-name,
by spells, by portents, myth and song,
by drum beat, heart beat, earth pulsing
beneath your feet, calling you home,
calling you back, calling you through
the water, wood, the waste, the wild,
the hills where Dartmoor ponies pass,
and black-faced sheep, a spectral child,
a fox with pale unnatural eyes,
an owl, a badger, ghostly deer
with horns of star light, candle light
to guide the way, to lead you here,
to lead you to the one who waits,
who sits and waits upon the tor,
he waits and watches, wondering
if you're the one he's waiting for;
he waits by dawn, by dusk, by dark,
by sun, by rain, by day, by night,
his hair as black as ravens' wings,
his eyes of amber, skin milk white,
his skin tattooed with spiral lines
beneath a mask of wood and leaves
and polished stone and sun-bleached bone,
beneath a shirt of spiders' weave,
his wrists weighted with silver bands
and copper braids tarnished to green,
he waits for you, unknown and yet
familiar from forgotten dreams;
you dream and stir upon your bed
and toss and turn among the sheets,
the wind taps at the window glass
and water tumbles through the leat
and through the garden, through the wood,
and over moss and over stone
and tells you: go, by candle light,
and go tonight, and go alone;
he's sent you dreams, he's left you signs,
he's left you feathers, beads and runes,
so go, tonight, by candle light,
by ash and oak, by wood, by coombe.
Blessed Imbolc to you all, and may Brigit favor you in this season of cold and solitude!
Tuesday, January 26, 2010
Reading
I'm far enough into the new year intentions that I set to have run into some walls, and even to have begun breaking through the other side of some of them, so that is good. I am currently reading four books, each of which has been helpful in some way.
1. Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle
I have fallen in love with this book. It's the perfect book at the exact time I needed it. She writes about the process of becoming fully self-possessed in order to make yourself ready for real spiritual work. It's chock full of fantastic writing and great exercises to get you paying attention to your thoughts an actions and learning to use that knowledge. I'm doing her cleansing life flow exercise every day now before I make dinner, and it makes a huge difference in my energy level. In all ways, this book has loaned power and energy to my intentions.
2. The Tree of Enchantment by Orion Foxwood
This is the book that goes along with the Faery Seership training I started in September. I find it useful to reread parts of it periodically to keep me on the right path.
3. The Waking Dream by Ray Grasse
This is a fairly academic tome, and really fascinating. It's a reread for me, but I don't think I fully appreciated it the first time through. The book describes the symbolic world view as which we use so much in our magic and ritual, and provides a very thorough discussion of synchronicity.
4. Sweat Your Prayers by Gabrielle Roth
I first read this book back in 2006, and fell in love with it. I've no idea why or how I then wandered away from the practice within, but I'm determined not to make that mistake again! She writes about dance as a spiritual practice and outlines a series of 5 rhythms corresponding to different types of energy. It's a really great way to move your spiritual practice into your body, especially for someone like me who tends to be extremely airy and cerebral -- it feels really good to bring some fire and earth into my spirituality!
1. Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle
I have fallen in love with this book. It's the perfect book at the exact time I needed it. She writes about the process of becoming fully self-possessed in order to make yourself ready for real spiritual work. It's chock full of fantastic writing and great exercises to get you paying attention to your thoughts an actions and learning to use that knowledge. I'm doing her cleansing life flow exercise every day now before I make dinner, and it makes a huge difference in my energy level. In all ways, this book has loaned power and energy to my intentions.
2. The Tree of Enchantment by Orion Foxwood
This is the book that goes along with the Faery Seership training I started in September. I find it useful to reread parts of it periodically to keep me on the right path.
3. The Waking Dream by Ray Grasse
This is a fairly academic tome, and really fascinating. It's a reread for me, but I don't think I fully appreciated it the first time through. The book describes the symbolic world view as which we use so much in our magic and ritual, and provides a very thorough discussion of synchronicity.
4. Sweat Your Prayers by Gabrielle Roth
I first read this book back in 2006, and fell in love with it. I've no idea why or how I then wandered away from the practice within, but I'm determined not to make that mistake again! She writes about dance as a spiritual practice and outlines a series of 5 rhythms corresponding to different types of energy. It's a really great way to move your spiritual practice into your body, especially for someone like me who tends to be extremely airy and cerebral -- it feels really good to bring some fire and earth into my spirituality!
Friday, January 1, 2010
New Years blue moon intention setting ritual
Last night I did the New Years Eve Blue Moon intention ritual as planned. It was a simple thing. Before the ritual began, I wrote out each intention on a post it note. My intentions for this year were "Put myself forward," "Make mental health a priority," "Keep my practical affairs in order," "Keep growing," "Pursue spiritual growth," and "Trust the process." Once I was in ritual I simply read my intentions out loud, saying a bit about each one as I did, and then stuffing the post it into a small glass jar. I plan to either bury them once it gets warmer or maybe find a better jar (I worry about whether the bright green dye will leech toxic chemicals into my yard). I toasted the moon, Freya, the Wild God, Freunde, Jack, and Squirrel with some Woodchuck Amber, and that was that.
It felt good, but not all that dramatic. Some rituals are more about affirming something that is already in progress then about making a sudden dramatic change or creating something new. I've been working hard on this for several days now, and have been implementing changes and suggestions as I think of or encounter them, so that shouldn't be too surprising.
It felt good, but not all that dramatic. Some rituals are more about affirming something that is already in progress then about making a sudden dramatic change or creating something new. I've been working hard on this for several days now, and have been implementing changes and suggestions as I think of or encounter them, so that shouldn't be too surprising.
Wednesday, December 30, 2009
Looking Back, Looking Forward
In comparison to where I was this time last year, I am doing quite well emotionally. That isn't to say that I'm in a cheery and expansive sort of mood (when am I ever?), but that I am standing on firm ground rather than sinking into the mire, even if that firm ground is in somewhat of a lowland. Rather than the despair and near frantic clinging to any scrap of hope I could reach, I find myself able to take a careful look at my life, assessing where I am and what I need, and making decisions about where to go next. These aren't grand decisions or fantastical plans, much though I wish they were, but are instead small steps to help myself get to the point where I may be able to answer the Big Question (what am I meant to do with my life?) with more self knowledge. I have ordered a book which I think may aid me in this endeavor – Kissing the Limitless by T. Thorn Coyle. According to the reviews I have read, as well as the sample I was able to glean from Amazon, it seems like a down to earth book about integrating the Self in preparation for deeper magical work. This fits in perfectly, both with where I am in my life in general and on the Faery Seership path.
As part of this process I am setting goals and intentions for the coming year. I plan to do a ritual during the full moon on New Year's Eve (inspired by this blog post) setting those intentions. So far the process of figuring what I want to do and where I want to go has been a lot of fun -- I just hope that I'm able to maintain this level of enthusiasm as the year progresses! I do worry that I'm not setting the "right" goals or that I'm either being over ambitious or not ambitious enough or possibly both, but I'm trying to be patient with myself. If I decide that I need to shift my goals after a month or two, or even after a week, that's ok. As long as I don't stray from my central idea for the year (engaging more actively with my life), then any changes I decide I need will only show that I'm making progress towards becoming the person I'm meant to be.
As part of this process I am setting goals and intentions for the coming year. I plan to do a ritual during the full moon on New Year's Eve (inspired by this blog post) setting those intentions. So far the process of figuring what I want to do and where I want to go has been a lot of fun -- I just hope that I'm able to maintain this level of enthusiasm as the year progresses! I do worry that I'm not setting the "right" goals or that I'm either being over ambitious or not ambitious enough or possibly both, but I'm trying to be patient with myself. If I decide that I need to shift my goals after a month or two, or even after a week, that's ok. As long as I don't stray from my central idea for the year (engaging more actively with my life), then any changes I decide I need will only show that I'm making progress towards becoming the person I'm meant to be.
Tuesday, December 29, 2009
Dark Air
I was feeling the call to do some sort of spiritual exercises tonight, but couldn't think of anything off hand, so I decided to flip through one of my go to books -- Witch Crafting by Phyllis Curott. It's not my favorite, but it has an abundance of good quality exercises for those times when I want to do something witchy, but I don't know what. Tonight, however, I ran across an absolutely (unintentionally) hilarious exercise. It's about connecting with air magic, and talks about smelling the flowers, and trees dancing in the breeze. I think it even mentions children laughing. Sweet stuff, really. What makes it hilarious is that today had a high of 20 degrees Fahrenheit and winds gusting at Gods-only-know miles per hour. Today is certainly a day for air to come into it's own, but it's not a smiles and daffodils kind of air. This is the dark side of air, which I feel is frequently forgotten. We are much more likely to acknowledge the dark side of fire (it burns!), water (it drowns!), or even earth (in this culture we're buried in it, after all). But air is always childlike innocence, sweetness, and light. But it's not true! Air can be just as dark, just as deadly. I've always connected to air as more of a desolate clifftop with eagles wheeling in the rarefied air than gentle meadow breezes anyway. But air kills! In winter, it's the wind that cuts through your warm coat like a knife.
I find myself wondering if I should go outside to consciously experience the wild fervor of today's wind, or if the core lesson is just to avoid it. Not every aspect of nature needs to be explored in depth. But then, I'm not suggesting a hike in the wilderness – I'm not going to freeze to death in my own yard. Maybe I should step outside for a minute or two to connect with the cold. Then I can come inside and connect with a nice cup of tea.
So I do that. I go outside. It's a beautiful winter night with everything crisp around the edges and a nearly full moon in the clear sky. It's also bug fucking A cold out. I'm able to absorb a sense of peacefulness, but that's it. Since we haven't closed up the front porch yet, I may go out there later (bundled up, of course!) to look at the moon some more. That ought to provide at least a barrier between me and the howling wind. I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for -- that same barrier that keeps me from freezing will also keep me from fully experiencing the elements. Maybe I just want a little bit more of that peacefulness.
I find myself wondering if I should go outside to consciously experience the wild fervor of today's wind, or if the core lesson is just to avoid it. Not every aspect of nature needs to be explored in depth. But then, I'm not suggesting a hike in the wilderness – I'm not going to freeze to death in my own yard. Maybe I should step outside for a minute or two to connect with the cold. Then I can come inside and connect with a nice cup of tea.
So I do that. I go outside. It's a beautiful winter night with everything crisp around the edges and a nearly full moon in the clear sky. It's also bug fucking A cold out. I'm able to absorb a sense of peacefulness, but that's it. Since we haven't closed up the front porch yet, I may go out there later (bundled up, of course!) to look at the moon some more. That ought to provide at least a barrier between me and the howling wind. I'm not sure exactly what I am looking for -- that same barrier that keeps me from freezing will also keep me from fully experiencing the elements. Maybe I just want a little bit more of that peacefulness.
Thursday, November 5, 2009
Can I never take the easy way? Obviously not.
I hope that in my last post I did not give the impression that my battle with the depression demons was over. While things are looking much better, I'm still struggling with the ennui that comes with these episodes. I intermittently feel like my head has been replaced by cotton candy and my motivation kidnapped and taken to Guam.
Case in point: for the past five years I have traditionally observed "pagan lent," meaning that I give something (generally a food item) up between Samhain and Yule. I usually obsess over the decision of what to give up for most of October. This year I completely forgot. I honestly didn't remember the practice until today, when it is too late to start something. I'm not sure what to do about this. On the one hand, Pagan Lent is a practice that makes me feel closer to my spirituality, which is something I could use right now. On the other hand, I've already missed five days and don't have any idea of what to give up this year. Maybe the right thing for me to do is to focus on getting myself better? With the new light box I feel like I might have a chance of making it through the dark season with a modicum of grace. And I'm not exactly a useful conduit for spirit when I'm feeling broken inside. Perhaps the best offering I could make right now would be to start putting aside the habitual trappings of depression and making myself healthier. Though honestly, giving up salty snack food would be a whole lot easier....
If that is the case (and I feel that it very well may be), I need to figure out what concrete steps I should be taking. Do I set up a daily schedule for myself to be more productive? Install moments throughout the day to recharge myself? Yes, and yes. This is going to be a hell of a lot harder than I would like, but if it works it will also be a hell of a lot more rewarding.
Case in point: for the past five years I have traditionally observed "pagan lent," meaning that I give something (generally a food item) up between Samhain and Yule. I usually obsess over the decision of what to give up for most of October. This year I completely forgot. I honestly didn't remember the practice until today, when it is too late to start something. I'm not sure what to do about this. On the one hand, Pagan Lent is a practice that makes me feel closer to my spirituality, which is something I could use right now. On the other hand, I've already missed five days and don't have any idea of what to give up this year. Maybe the right thing for me to do is to focus on getting myself better? With the new light box I feel like I might have a chance of making it through the dark season with a modicum of grace. And I'm not exactly a useful conduit for spirit when I'm feeling broken inside. Perhaps the best offering I could make right now would be to start putting aside the habitual trappings of depression and making myself healthier. Though honestly, giving up salty snack food would be a whole lot easier....
If that is the case (and I feel that it very well may be), I need to figure out what concrete steps I should be taking. Do I set up a daily schedule for myself to be more productive? Install moments throughout the day to recharge myself? Yes, and yes. This is going to be a hell of a lot harder than I would like, but if it works it will also be a hell of a lot more rewarding.
Monday, November 2, 2009
October: a mixed bag
This past month has been mixed, spiritually speaking. I was hit hard by the depression demons, which was rough, but had the benefit of helping me to realize that there is a major seasonal component to my depression. This motivated me to buy a light box, which has helped enormously. I'm still feeling somewhat sluggish, but am feeling significantly better than I did even a two weeks ago! But struggling with mental health issues does not really lead to in-depth spiritual practice, contrary to certain popular ideas.
On the upside, the month of October included Twilight Covening. This year was not as intense an experience for me as last year, but I think that the energy ran just as deep, if not deeper, and that the coming year will be productive. It seems that my work for this year is to step up into having a more fully participatory role in a number of areas of my life, and that can only be a good thing.
And because it would be remiss of me not to mention Samhain, the most popular of all pagan holidays, I will mention that I attended Earthspirit's Open Samhain East on Saturday, that it was as deep and rich as I have come to expect (anticipate?) from their rituals. It was the perfect way for me to observe the latest turning of the wheel.
On the upside, the month of October included Twilight Covening. This year was not as intense an experience for me as last year, but I think that the energy ran just as deep, if not deeper, and that the coming year will be productive. It seems that my work for this year is to step up into having a more fully participatory role in a number of areas of my life, and that can only be a good thing.
And because it would be remiss of me not to mention Samhain, the most popular of all pagan holidays, I will mention that I attended Earthspirit's Open Samhain East on Saturday, that it was as deep and rich as I have come to expect (anticipate?) from their rituals. It was the perfect way for me to observe the latest turning of the wheel.
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