Tuesday, December 21, 2010

Yule Eclipse, and mystics

I stayed awake until 4:30 in the morning to see the eclipse, but heavy cloud cover hid it from view.  I would love to say that I took this frustration in stride, but it would be a lie.  In fact, I am downright mopey about it.  I did get to see the moon briefly last night though, and again tonight.  She laughed at me and said that there was a reason I couldn't see her last night.  Darned if I know what it is, though.

While awake, I spent some quality time reflecting on what I want from not only the coming year, but the rest of my life (ok, and surfing the internet.  I admit it).  I've been reading Caroline's Myss' classic book, Sacred Contracts and have gotten to the part about identifying your archetypes.  As an archetype junkie, I figured this would be fun.  It wasn't.  The description of one archetype in particular was really bothering me:  the Mystic.  She goes on at great length about how everyone wants to claim that archetype but that once they find out how much work it requires are willing to let somebody else take it up.  This irked me.  Far more than a blurb in a book ought to.  So I thought about it.  And the fact is, for me, I don't have a choice.  I am a mystic.  I hid from it for years, I do a piss poor job of it most of the time, but it's what I am.  I'm only really functional when I'm doing at least three regular spiritual things a day.  I need to be plugged into that energy at all times.  When I don't make that effort I start to drift away from myself -- I lose energy, motivation, purpose....  it's not good.  And I resent feeling like some book author guru is telling me that I'm not what I am pretty darn sure that I am.  At which point it occurs to me that my reaction says more about my confidence in my own power than anything else.  Depressing, isn't it?

No comments: