2008 Calendar

I suffer from a peculiar form of commitment-phobia: I am terrified of choosing a calendar. I'm going to be stuck with it on my wall for an entire year - what if I hate it? What if the picture for July is terrible? What if it doesn't give the exact time of the full moon?

Yeah, I have issues.

Because of this bizarre indecisiveness I have bought the same calendar for the last several years. I find the nearest calendar retailer, purchase The Witches Calendar, and go home again. I like the pictures, the essays can be interesting, and it's nice to know exactly what sign the moon is in.

None of this stops me from looking at other calendars, however. There are so many of them out there, and all of them so lovely! One year (was it 2003?) I got daring. I saw a calendar themed around my favorite graphic novel (The Sandman, by Neil Gaiman) and couldn't resist. The pictures were lovely, but I suffered terrible withdrawal from my usual source of detailed astrological information, interesting tidbits, and the all important daily color. The next year, I returned to The Witches Calendar, humbled and contrite.

(Now might be the time to admit that I can't even read the astrological information. I only recognize the symbols for a handful of zodiac signs and none of the planets. Take away my witching license if you must, but never let it be said that I mislead you!)

Thus I was in the grocery store yesterday morning and found myself browsing the calendar racks, admiring the pretty pictures but not planning to buy. I looked over and saw one called "Lunaria 2008: Lunar Almanac." My curiosity piqued, I picked it up. Lo and behold, this calendar is divided into lunar cycles. Each page begins with a new moon, but the traditional dates are still listed. Not only does it include more astrological information than the Witches Calendar, it even summarizes it briefly (ex: "expression enhances change"). It tells what time the moon sets and rises, and includes sunrise and sunset on Sundays, quarter, and cross-quarter days. It is printed on recycled paper with vegetable ink. The only way this calendar could be made better is if the times were in Eastern instead of Mountain, and the sunrise/sunset times weren't calculated for CO, but that is a small, niggling complaint.

I very nearly squee-ed in the grocery store.

I will miss the colorful pictures and (occasionally) nifty essays, but this calendar is so much more interesting. I can't wait to live a whole year so deeply in tune with the moon! As a very moon-oriented person, this can only be a good thing.

Winter Solstice 2007

We have now embarked upon the longest night of the year, a time of deep introspection and quiet, a time to reflect upon where we have been and where we are going. For the first time ever, I will be keeping vigil for the sun, and I'm looking forward to it. Most of the night will be spent on far more prosaic activities than silent contemplation, but I do hope to do some of that as well.

When the sun returns tomorrow morning, it will usher in the commercial/secular holidays with family. Parents will arrive, cooking will begin in earnest, and soon gifts will be exchanged after lengthy meals.

Hopefully I will find more time to post in the new year! In the meantime, check out the pagan rewrite of "In the Bleak Midwinter" at Joanna Powell Colbert's blog. There's even an MP3 in case you forgot the tune!

In the meantime, a blessed solstice night to you all!

So much to say, so little brain to say it with

I have so much to say, but so little mental capacity with which to say it. The December New Moon ritual was just as good as, if not better than, the November one. I haven't felt such wonderful energy during a ritual since college, and am ecstatic to have found this group.

Speaking of the New Moon, my task for this moon cycle is to learn how to be at home within myself, so that I can be at home wherever I may go. This is a major challenge for me, so I am look forward to it almost as much as I dread figuring out how to do it! First step is to turn one of my acorns into a pendant. If that works, I will try to take pictures....

My Free Will Astrology horoscope for this week is interesting:

CANCER (June 21-July 22): Are your cohorts looking at you quizzically, wondering why you seem so energized from exploring the shadowy, off-limits places? I'll offer some suggestions about what you could say to them. First, try to make them see that until you've risked going too far, you may not know when to stop. Second, tell them that you suspect there are healthy desires buried at the roots of your dark feelings, and you're hoping to free them. Third, explain to them that you're not picking at your scabs in order to prolong your hurt, but rather to better understand the hurt. If those rationales are too subtle for your companions to understand, cackle softly and say that you just need to be a little bad in order to give your goodness more soul.

I feel that this relates to my impending graduation in some way. Friday is my last day of class, and the graduation recognition ceremony is on Sunday.

The spirits, they are silly

Do other people get messages from the spirits in bizarre and ridiculous ways, or is it just me?

I woke up this morning with the following lyrics stuck in my head

"Sometimes the very thing you're looking for
is the one thing you can't see.
Sometimes the snow comes down in June
Sometimes the sun goes round the moon.
Just when I thought our chance had passed
you went and saved the best for last."

Not terribly spiritual, right? Just a pop song that I was attached to in high school (it reflected my love life rather well, except for the bit where the song eventually got the guy).

Well, I was walking through the snow to get back to my car after an appointment, and started singing to myself. And then it all became clear. My panic about having to have an honest to goodness real full-time professional job.... it'll be ok. I can't see it now, but I *will* find what I need there.

And then, for the kicker, I briefly (just for a split second) visualized my spirit friends hooked arm in arm and swaying as they sang along with me. Considering that only two of them are even vaguely humanoid, this was quite a ridiculous sight. Though not as bad as the time they showed up in matching scarves and sunglasses (one of them knits).

Anyway, I think this may well qualify for "Most Bizarre Communication from Spirit Ever." Feel free to share your own nominations for the title.

Silence Between Breathes

This is the quiet time. The dark time. The empty time of waiting that must come before I can be refilled. My soul screams for respite and solitude while my mind shudders at the thought of isolation in this desolate season. The Outside World demands that I work full throttle to finish this semester, but my being rebels. This is the season of Isa, rune of stillness. Rune of silence. Rune of the cold center where we must go to rest. I am tantalized by the promise of it's embrace. I need to be emptied so that I can be replenished with something far more nourishing. I need to stop long enough to be remade in my own image.

There are several passages from Seasons of the Witch which call to me at this moment. All of them are too long to type out here, but I will type one of them out anyway.

In the center of every forest is a well of sweet water. By the time you reach it, you will be desperate with thirst. You will have been walking through the day and into the night, and the woods will have been growing darker around you, and you will have seen no water at all.

And then, a clearing lit by silver light.

You do not see her standing in the shadows. You cup your shaking hands and dip into the well. But a bony hand grasps yours.

Shaken with surprise, you look up.

She is veiled. From beneath the veil she speaks. Her voice is full of the mystery of endings. She asks what you want.

Water, you begin to say.

Then your heart is flooded with memory and need. You remember losses and pain, driven days when you burned with yearning, bleak hopelessness of abandoned dreams. Your parched throat will not let you speak. And there is not time enough to answer, for what you desire has become immeasurably and inexpressibly vast.

She is waiting.

You stand worldless before her.

She opens her arms to you, and suddenly she is all that you desire: arms to hold you, a breast to weep upon, a murmuring voice to sing in your ear, a softness that is more comforting than you have ever known.

She is sweet water in the dark forest. She is abandoned reams restored. She is all the world at once,, and all the time you need.

After reading that the other day, I was moved to write the following:

Isa is the answer that comes when you stop asking the question. Only when you have ceased your restless searching can she come to you, in the stillness of waiting without expectation. Only when you can sit with What Is can What Will Be reveal itself to you, in all of her splendor, in all of her glory.

Not as powerful as the inspiration, but that is what I pray for with every breath right now. The strength to sit without expectation, knowing that the truth and beauty will be revealed.

Now is the time of the silence between breathes. May I learn to sit here patiently.

Shopping Pilgrimage

Since it was a holiday week-end, I decided to take a day off to relax and go visit my local area-of-many-witchy-stores. It only takes me an hour to get there, but I hadn't been in more than a year.

In addition to the little spell candles I was looking for (you know the ones -- they're less than an inch thick, come in every color of the rainbow, and burn down quickly) I found two books. I tend to be overly picky about pagan books, as there is so much shallow garbage out there, so I was a bit surprised to find two books that called to me. One is The Heart of Wicca, which I've heard good things about. While I don't identify as Wiccan, I am certainly Wicca-derived, and it should be very interesting to read a treatise on the deeper aspects of that path.

The other - and far more surprising - book is Seasons of the Witch by Patricia Monaghan. I first picked it up hoping for something about the wheel of the year, and found a volume of poetry oriented to the turning seasons. I was wary at first, but the poetry is good. I mean really, actually, truly good. I'm still amazed by that, which I find sort of sad. I mean, pagans are a talented, creative bunch; why I am so surprised to find a really good book of Goddess poetry? Is it that the loudest, most visible pagans also tend to be the least well-developed, and thus produce half-baked work, while those who allow their craft to mature and develop tend to keep to themselves more? That's the most likely explanation that I can think of.

I strive to someday contribute to the body of work produced by the latter group. I can only hope that I will be as successful!

Where's a ritual when you need one?

I need a ritual. Since the pagan internet is so very huge, you wouldn't think this would be a problem. Why, we must have a ritual for anything!

Except we don't. If you want to celebrate a Sabbat, any phase of the moon, a birth, death, or wedding, then you're all set. There are thousands of those to be had. But what if you need to mark a transition in your life, need to do something ritually to commemorate what is happening, but the occasion isn't one of the Major Ritual Occasions? It's time for some pagan ingenuity!

I seem to be lacking in that department right now.

In less than a month, I will finish graduate school. In less than a month I will be transitioning into the adult world of full time employment (or at least looking for such). And I am, in a word, terrified. Soul-numbingly afraid. I need to *do* something with this. I don't want a spell -- I feel this way for a reason, and I'm going to need to work through it -- but I do need to mark this is some way, ease my transition..... reassure myself that this is not, in fact, a tragic catastrophe (please don't ask why I feel that way, as I'm not sure myself).

I can't be the first person to need such a ritual. And while I never use one that someone else has written, I would like to see what others have done, to provide some much needed inspiration. I guess I'll have to keep looking.....

Thanksgiving

Tomorrow is Thanksgiving. I'll be having the obligatory family dinner, though I can't say I am looking forward to it. This is one holiday I've never been able to get into, and it hasn't improved since I stopped eating meat. Plus, I'm hypoglycemic, which means that I need to eat small frequent meals with a good mix of carbs, fats, and protein - the exact opposite of Thanksgiving without the turkey. So I'll feel like crap withint an hour of finishing the meal.

Aside from the dietary problems, I just feel like it's the wrong time for this. The real harvest was at Mabon -- there's not a whole lot still growing right now. And in my little self-made tradition the time between Samhain and Yule is dead time, neither part of the old year nor of the year to come. That doesn't exactly lend itself to a celebratory feeling.

Sorry for whining. I'm in a bit of a crummy mood, but I'll try to have actual content next time ;-) But for everyone who likes the holiday, happy Thanksgiving!

Altar moved

I finally brought my altar inside this evening. I will probably be bringing in more bits and pieces for a few weeks, but at least I've got the essentials taken care of.

It's nice to have the altar where I can see it more frequently. It is now in the same room as my computer and all of my craft supplies, so I'll have far more opportunities to see it and be reminded of Spirit. I'm glad of that. Of course, in a few months I won't ever be home during the day again, but that's a subject for another day.

I had a really wonderful week-end, so I'm going to try to focus on the happy vibes, and maybe ignore my worries for a little while. :-)

Altar problems

When I moved into my current apartment in May, the enclosed front porch seemed like the perfect location for my altar. It was out of the way, had a beautiful view of the moon most nights, and let me feel more connected to nature than if I were entirely inside. Since the windows faced east, the morning sun would keep it warm enough that, with a warm coat or robe of some sort, I would be able to keep up my daily practice through the winter. Such a nice theory.... The reality is that it is only mid-November and I already can't spend more than five minutes out there before my fingers start to get too stiff and cold to move.

This leaves me with a bit of a problem. I can bring the altar inside, but there really isn't anywhere convenient to put it. I might be able to find space in the dining room, but that's hardly out of the way, and I'd worry that my pet rat would wreak havoc on it when I let him out to frolic. Plus, I would have to move the altar when my parents came over (My mother is alright with my path, but my father and I have only achieved peace by carefully avoiding the subject). The bedroom might be a possibility, but that would require a lot of rearranging.

I could just set up a small shrine indoors for me to do my daily activities, and then do full rituals on the porch. This would mean remembering to move all of the appropriate tools outside with me whenever I did ritual. Since I have enough trouble remembering to bring out the rose oil that I use (it was solidifying in this cold), I somehow doubt that I will have an easier time with additional tools. Plus, I'd really miss working at my altar every day.

I'm leaning towards bringing the whole thing inside. I could even make the biannual altar moving a part of my seasonal transitions... take it in after Samhain, and back out again at the vernal equinox, perhaps. I'm just a bit irritated, as I really like my current set up. Ah well. The weather doesn't really care what I want, nor should it.